The Mysterious Fan Girl
by High-Functioning Sociopath SH
Summary: Sherlock recieves a lot of fan mail, but he's never had a fan parcel before... T because I'm very over-cautious. No slash & stuff


THE MYSTERIOUS FANGIRL

It was a perfectly normal and calm day- well, normal and calm for 221B Baker Street. Sure, there was some substance bubbling on the stove (John was too scared to check what) and Sherlock was watching some (probably dangerous) bacteria grow through his microscope, but the house wasn't on fire (yet) and there were no new holes in the wall, so it was calmer than usual.

But peace and calm do not fit well with 221B. Not by a long stretch.

John was a little worried to see a parcel in the post. Parcels were a danger sign, practically trademarked with Moriarty. However, Moriarty either hadn't thought of it or was too bust coming up with something more... 'tricky'. Therefore, the parcel was deemed 'safe' and was passed onto its recipient- who happened to be Sherlock.

"Looks like you've got some fan mail" John said as he plonked the parcel on the edge of the desk. Not bothering to look up, Sherlock replied.

"So, what's new?"

"It's a parcel" John explained

"What's in it?"  
"I don't know. I was kind of leaving it for you"

"Well I'm busy" Sherlock said. John sighed and opened the package himself. His eyes went a little wide, but it was his silence that got Sherlock's attention

"Don't tell me it's a bomb." Sherlock said sarcastically, only to raise his eyebrows at the frilly red thing in front of him.

"Do you want it?" John asked

"Not particularly..." Sherlock said slowly, before realising "Do you?"

"No!" John replied, taking them to the bin and putting the red underwear inside.

"Look, it comes with a note" Sherlock said, picking up the printed text

**You're always so up-tight. **

"No sender"

"Do I really _want_ to know who would send me those?" Sherlock asked.

"Not really" John replied, after an awkward silence.

"Just don't go searching in the bin for them in the middle of the night. You'll wake me" Sherlock said, grinning, before turning back to his bacteria

Nothing was said of the underwear for almost a week, other than the occasional joke.

"Ahh... nicotine"

"Is still think you got a bigger buzz by seeing those red knickers, but hey, I don't think you can get those back"

However, another package arrived in the mail 4 days later.

"Another package for you" John said, dropping it on the table. Sherlock looked up from the eyeball he was dissecting, pulled off his gloves and went to check it out.

"You interested?" John asked curiously

"Mildly." Sherlock admitted

"What are you hoping for?"

"Nothing... what are _you_ hoping for?"

"Nothing" Sherlock gave John a look, but John was already blushing too hard to blush more. Teasingly grinning, Sherlock opened the parcel. A simple white shirt lay in the box, with another short note.

**Make John jealous **

"I don't get it" John admitted

"Neither do I" Sherlock said, lifting the shirt from the box. On the collar, there was a deep red lipstick imprint "I do now"

"I know exactly what to do with that..." John said, grinning.

Two days later, the boys were called down to a crime scene. A lady walking her dog had been killed, but they couldn't find the body, and of course they thought Sherlock could.

Sherlock and John arrived at the crime scene, actor's faces on, giggling like girls on the inside. First up was Donovan.

"Freak... how did you get _that_?" Donovan asked, gesturing to the lipstick mark on his collar "You didn't kidnap anyone, did you?"

"What?" Sherlock asked, looking to his collar "Dear me, she is creative"

"Which one? The blond or the brunette?" John asked

"Neither, the red head" Sherlock replied, Donovan's eyes wide.

"What's all this commotion?" Anderson asked, coming over "And what's that on your shirt?"

"Apparently, Julia's handiwork" John said "But I still think it was Jazmine"

"It couldn't have been Jazmine. She was too busy... elsewhere" Sherlock said. Anderson and Donovan shared scared glances

"This isn't a book club- why are you all here?" Lestrade said, joining the group

"Admiring Julia's handiwork" Sherlock said. Lestrade noticed the mark on his collar

"Who's Julia?" He asked. Sherlock and John looked at each other and smiled. The three detectives looked at each other worriedly

"Are you in on this, John?" Anderson asked

"Sure I am. In fact, I came up with it" John said, before turning to Sherlock "Well, it isn't a _lie_, exactly"

"Calm down all of you. There are no wayward girls enjoying our company, simply a fan mail package." Sherlock explained

"From who?" Donovan asked

"Haven't the foggiest" Sherlock said "But I don't think I really want to know"

"And they sent you a shirt with a lipstick mark on the collar?" Anderson asked

"And a note saying "Make John jealous", but he saw me open the parcel, so I had to choose a new victims" Sherlock explained

"I thought your fan mail consisted of... well, mail" Lestrade questioned

"And red frilly garments" John joked under his breath

"What?" Lestrade asked  
"Nothing" Sherlock and John said simultaneously, and giggling they went to the crime scene

John sprinted up the stairs when he collected another parcel 6 days later. Sherlock still remained calm, but John knew Sherlock was just as interested as he was. John placed it on the cupboard, and Sherlock stood up to stare at it with him.

"Are you going to open it?" John asked  
"Not today" Sherlock replied

"Surely you are interested?" John asked

"Not as much as you are" Sherlock joked, opening the parcel

"So you say" John said, watching Sherlock's hands move precisely over the flaps so they didn't tear messily in a few practiced movements. Sherlock opened the packet to reveal a small snow globe of London city, probably from a souvenir shop that lined Baker Street. Sherlock and John looked it over, utterly bemused. A small note was once again left in the parcel.

**The Mysterious Fan Girl**

As a memory, this snow globs sits hidden under papers and books in Baker Street, up on a high shelf. Although the underwear and shirt are long gone, the snow globe sits to this day in 221B, utterly forgotten.

Molly Hooper, miles away, stares happily at her computer. Hiding a camera in a snow globe was ingenious.

**A/N: The end! Just something I thought up for a little laugh- hope you enjoyed! **


End file.
